Happy New Year

Each year, as the year draws to an end, I begin to reflect with more purpose on the year that is nearly past.   Each year I choose a word that best describes that year of my life.   There are many words that could describe 2014, change, pain, struggles, etc.  but over arching them all, one word rings out with more clarity than all the others.  Growth.  It was a year of change, of many struggles, and of pain.   I faced many challenges, some much more difficult than others.  Some were of the physical variety, but most were internal, emotional.  Most people never saw either the struggle or the pain.  But there is One who saw it all.  Not only did He see the struggles and the pain, but He used them to accomplish His work in my life.   There is much that I faced in 2014 that I would just as soon never think about again.  At the time I felt I was in a very dark place, both emotionally and spiritually.  I felt lost, alone, broken beyond repair, and very, very small.  Looking back I see a very different picture.  Looking back I still see the pain and the struggles, but I also see a very big God!  Looking back I can see His hand in every struggle, every painful circumstance and realization, and in the very darkest moments it was His hands that held me close.  
   I love to garden.  I have two gardens, one for vegetables and annual flowers, and one for shrubs and perennial flowers.  With each of my shrubs, I have a specific idea in mind of the shape and size I wish that shrub to be, and each year I must trim and prune the shrub to achieve the desired results.  Some years I only trim a little here and there.  Other years require much more drastic pruning.  I did not get much, if any, pruning done in my garden in 2014.  The pruning was happening in my life and in my heart.   The Master Gardener was using the circumstances of my life to prune out the ugly, dead, and diseased bits of my heart, shaping me into His image, growing me to be His woman.   As difficult and as painful as the past year has been, when I look at it from this perspective, I would not go back and change one circumstance, even if I could.  The growth and the change that He has worked in my heart is worth facing far more than the pain and the struggles of the past year.  The last few months of the year have been months of healing, of learning to trust my Heavenly Father, of learning to rest in His arms, and to stay near to His heart.   For the first time in my life I can truly and honestly say that He is all that I need to be complete and to be content.   I don't mean to say that there are not still things I desire, and even long for, but my heart is content in His love.  Perhaps because I am finally beginning to understand His love for me, but that is best left for another post another day.
May each of you, my dear readers, have a blessed and happy New Year, filled with His joy and blessings!

Beautiful Brokenness

For it is God, who commanded light to shine out of darkness, who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. But we have this treasure in earthen vessels,  that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven. But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people,  that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; who once were not a people but are now the people of God,  who had not obtained mercy but now have obtained mercy.  For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the world. Walk as children of light.  
2 Corinthians 4:6-7; Matthew 5:14-16; 1 Peter 2:9-10; Ephesians 5:8

Wow!  The Lord is taking me on an incredible journey right now.  Many places in this journey have brought deep pain and darkness.  They have also driven me to the Savior, the source of all comfort and light.  
I have been thinking a lot about His light, praying that He will use my brokenness to shine His light on those around me.
  I pray that He will allow His light to shine out of my broken places,  but all the while I hide my brokenness.    Over the last few days, He has been gently showing me that His light can only shine through the breaks and cracks in my heart if I let the broken places show.   
It all clicked and made sense this morning during my quiet time with Him.  As He lead me from one passage of Scripture to another, it hit me.  He has given us His light,  and given its treasure abundantly, in earthen vessels.  Clay pots.  Clay pots are not strong.  They crack, they chip, they break.  We are like clay pots. We are not strong.   We break.   But, when we break, when our hearts crack and pieces fall out and sometimes get lost,  it is then that His light can shine through.   But only if we let it!   If we, in fear and insecurity,  hide those broken places,  hide our own weakness, we are like one who would light a lamp and then hide it under a basket or under the bed. 
It is hard to let the brokenness show. It's scary, terrifying really.  Human nature, instinct, tell us it is bad to be weak.  We fear what others will think.  I have a tendency to feel as though others see me as the strong one, the one who has it all together, and I'm hard wired to please.  I fear that,  if I let my weakness and my broken and cracked and shattered heart show, I will disapoint, I will let someone down.  I will appear less than I am thought and expected to be.   But hiding my weakness, my broken places, hinders God's light and power from shining through!  It is in my weakness that He is shown to be strong.  It is when I allow my brokenness to be seen that His healing power is also seen.  When those around me are allowed to see that I am not strong they will be able to see His strength, His sustaining grace, His peace that passes all understanding.   It is then that they will see His power and glorify Him.  And that is what this life with Jesus is all about, bringing Him glory and allowing His light to shine through us into a dark and dying world.