Happy New Year

Each year, as the year draws to an end, I begin to reflect with more purpose on the year that is nearly past.   Each year I choose a word that best describes that year of my life.   There are many words that could describe 2014, change, pain, struggles, etc.  but over arching them all, one word rings out with more clarity than all the others.  Growth.  It was a year of change, of many struggles, and of pain.   I faced many challenges, some much more difficult than others.  Some were of the physical variety, but most were internal, emotional.  Most people never saw either the struggle or the pain.  But there is One who saw it all.  Not only did He see the struggles and the pain, but He used them to accomplish His work in my life.   There is much that I faced in 2014 that I would just as soon never think about again.  At the time I felt I was in a very dark place, both emotionally and spiritually.  I felt lost, alone, broken beyond repair, and very, very small.  Looking back I see a very different picture.  Looking back I still see the pain and the struggles, but I also see a very big God!  Looking back I can see His hand in every struggle, every painful circumstance and realization, and in the very darkest moments it was His hands that held me close.  
   I love to garden.  I have two gardens, one for vegetables and annual flowers, and one for shrubs and perennial flowers.  With each of my shrubs, I have a specific idea in mind of the shape and size I wish that shrub to be, and each year I must trim and prune the shrub to achieve the desired results.  Some years I only trim a little here and there.  Other years require much more drastic pruning.  I did not get much, if any, pruning done in my garden in 2014.  The pruning was happening in my life and in my heart.   The Master Gardener was using the circumstances of my life to prune out the ugly, dead, and diseased bits of my heart, shaping me into His image, growing me to be His woman.   As difficult and as painful as the past year has been, when I look at it from this perspective, I would not go back and change one circumstance, even if I could.  The growth and the change that He has worked in my heart is worth facing far more than the pain and the struggles of the past year.  The last few months of the year have been months of healing, of learning to trust my Heavenly Father, of learning to rest in His arms, and to stay near to His heart.   For the first time in my life I can truly and honestly say that He is all that I need to be complete and to be content.   I don't mean to say that there are not still things I desire, and even long for, but my heart is content in His love.  Perhaps because I am finally beginning to understand His love for me, but that is best left for another post another day.
May each of you, my dear readers, have a blessed and happy New Year, filled with His joy and blessings!

New Year's Thoughts

  Once again, I am thinking of changes.  (Seems to be a popular topic in my thoughts lately!)  With the dawning of a new year, though, I am thinking more of changes that need to happen, rather than changes that are happening, or have happened.  Changes that I wish to see in my own life and heart.   Looking back at the old year, I see much in my heart and life that was not as it should have been.    Of the 365 days of 2011, many (okay, most) were not used as productively and efficiently as they could/should have been.  Far too often the thoughts of my heart were focused on the troubles around me, whether real or perceived, rather than on my precious Lord and Savior.   Too often I found my focus inward rather than outward and upward.   Too many hours were spent on idle, worthless time wasters when they could have been spent doing something productive and useful.
  This year, I am determined, will, with the Lord's grace, be different.  Fewer idle moments, fewer selfish thoughts and attitudes, less time spent worrying about what I cannot change anyway.   More time spent with my Savior, more time spent for others, more words of encouragement.   As I think about it, it all seems so overwhelming, and I am reminded that "sufficient for the day is its own trouble", and I must not "be anxious for tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself."